Ramblings

I’ve been trying to make something happend for almost a year.  I am no closer to it being a reality then I was a year ago.   This has lead to lots of saddness and frustration.  It also lead to a huge weight gain and a very angry body.  In the last month I got some hard news to swollow it was not the end of the world but it put a damper in my step.  Since then I started to think about all the years I spent dating all the time I pined away for the wrong men and everyone said you have to love and get to know yourself before you can find someone who will love you and you can love the right way.  I am starting to think that the same may hold true for this new thing that I want.  I have to love myself again get past the anger I have for not being able to make this happen.  I need to find myself again a self that does not revolve around this one goal that I have no control over.  I need to get back into hobbies…health and fitness.  I need to work through my stress better and learn to make the best of other things in my life that too need to be worked on too.  Any way a friend of mine mentioned over the weekend something about writing a letter your 18 year old self.  

Dear Andrea~

Well first of all good work in making it this far.  I know what you have been through and you are a much tougher girl then you give yourself credit for.  Some people whould have given up and sunk even furthor into themselves than you have.  Okay well I am here to tell you things will get better.  The best part of your life is just about to start.  The friends that you are about to make at Western will be life long and will change you and your life forever.  Enjoy this time it is one of kind and you will look back on it fondly often.   There are a few pieces of advice I would offer…don’t take yourself so serioulsy have fun and don’t get bogged down, remember you are not naturally smart at some things and really need to work at them, keep you hair long it really suits you better shoulder length is the shortest you can pull off, hungry howies cheese bread is not your friend and for the love of god do not become a public history major you have always wanted to teach remember that dream and make it a reality it won’t be easy but it is so worth it!  If you don’t listen to me on the teaching thing I will say this to you when you get your masters don’t do library science and do teaching first.  As for boys I would love to tell you that dating and crushed get easier but they don’t and as much as you are going to hate all the crap you have to go through it is important that you do.  One day you will meet the right man for you and it will all make sense.  As for some of your other habits you really should listen to Mom and Dad about finances they know what they are talking about if you can’t pay it off the next month you really don’t need it.  As for the rest you are going to have a bumpy ride in life…things don’t come easy for you but the key is never to loose hope and to truly belive everything happend for a reason.  Your life will not end up the way you think it will…things will develop much later in life but you will have a lot of fun along the way so enjoy it and rember what I said before everything happens for a reason!  Good luck to you!  I know you will go far!

Really Long Time no Write

Is there anybody out there…probably not but that is okay I need to write for me.  So  a lot has been going on.  None of it all that great.  I made a big life decision five months ago and have not been able to obtain the goal. It has been sad, hard, and filled with some anger.  I have always been one of those people who thing do not come easy to.  I have to work for everything I have, I have to go through a lot before things go my way.  I thought maybe in this instance that would not be the case, however I was wrong.  So I got more proactive, went to find out the root of why what I wanted was not becoming a reality only to be stuck waiting for that answer to. 

Truth be told I feel very stuck right now.  I feel like I live in a land of stagnation where nothing changes for the better nor for the worse, so I suppose I can’t complain.  So I decided to attempt to get unstuck while the big issue still has not been answered I have begun to focus my energies on other life changes and on the mear act of trying to be the change you want to be in the world.  We shall see what is next hopefully it is new exciting and full of happiness.

The Right Combination

I know it has been ages since I have written, what can I say I am still a bit of a blog slack.  So my weight has stayed the same, yet this weekend I went up a size in pants.  Though the bigger size is to big the old size would not zip up a dilemma indeed.  This week I came across a picture of me from five years ago, my face is so angular, I miss that!  I really miss my old self looks wise.  While I am 100% happier in the inside than I was back then, I am still really unhappy with my outsides.  My body is just no what it should be.  However, I know I write that every time I post so I’ll digress. 

My latest problem is finding just the right combination of foods to get me through the day I do okay with breakfast and dinner, but can’t find an afternoon snack that will hold me over for more than a hour.  Which leads me to random snacks and be starving for dinner.  The sad part is I love the snack I am have been eating for a week and half and am not sure why it does not work, there is a healthy carb, protein, fat, and fruit.  If any one is still reading please give some snack suggestions.

Finding Balance

I’ve had this post in the back of my head for about a week now.  I finally found the time to sit down and really write it…I have something to admit I am all about the quick fix and the easy answer that requires as little work from me as possible.  I’m not lazy but I don’t like change and I hate failure, okay so maybe I do a have a small lazy streak. 

Since the new year I have contemplated three diffrent diets.  I read about them thought oh awesome here is the answer I have been waiting for then a week later, I found a new one and thought the same thing.  I was sitting her eating a snack of yogurt which I used to eat for breakfast everyday for years on Saturday and I turned to my husband and said why do people stop doing thing that work for them, and he said do you mean why do you do that…and i thought for a minute and yes I do do that why do you think that is….he said you are to into fads you see something  read how great it is and think it is going to work for you, when in reality you have yet to find a complet thing that works for you, take that yogurt you use to eat it everyday you loved it and it kept you full till lunch..then you read some blog of book or magazine that said this is the best breakfast and switched and have never really had a great breakfast since the yougurt.  This is all true I thought which lead me to think how I really need balance in my life, I don’t do well with strict meal plans I tend to really start to miss things which leads to binging.  I am going to go back to Weight Watchers.  It really worked fo rme in the past, plus it allows for me to eat normal yet still plan ahead and eat well.  

As for working out the same thing applys, I tried doing Chalene Johnson workouts with no results, I really got sick of doing the same thing over and over again and again.  I think I really need the gym lots of choices of cardio, classes, however I can still do some DVD’s that I have come across that I have enjoyed and feel the benifit of. 

I am also looking for some balance in the rest of my life to, more challenges and fellings of accomplishement.

A few days late

I wanted to post this before newyears but was having some wordpress issues, then New Years happend and I was busy first I’ll wrap up my year from a survey that I saw on brie fit.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

I planned and wedding and got married.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I pretty sure I failed at my resolutions last year..I have plenty for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes one of my bridesmaid did in the spring.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully no, but lots of people we are close to lost family members.

5. What countries did you visit?

Mexico on our honeymoon.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Organization and sense of complete stability.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 14th.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Planning my wedding.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Putting on more unwanted weight.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope pain

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A new puppy.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Bills and eating out.
13. What did you get really excited about?

Our wedding
14. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Not sure

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:

– happier or sadder?  happier
– thinner or fatter? much fatter
– richer or poorer? About the same.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?

made better memories

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?

spend mony

18. How did you spend Christmas?

with family

19. What was your favorite TV program?

Private practice really won me over this year.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

My Name in Memory.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?

Lady Gaga

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

There were a lot of enjoyable movied this year, no titles come to mind

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Spent time at home, 34

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having bettter goals.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

disasterous, I really let my style go.

26. What kept you sane?

Justin, Amy and Kristin.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

A good plan can get anything done.

 

And now onto 2011 I have set many goals for this year.  This is the year of improving me so that I am in the best all around shape literally and physically to start a family this summer.

I plan to focus on my health loosing acess weight and getting in shape to make a proper nine month home for our future baby.  I plan to eat better, get enough sleep, take some vitamins and take better care of my teeth( nothing to do with babies but still important).

I plan to work on my organization and overall sloppyness.  It is a constant argumnet starter for Justin and I am really tired of the argument, plus I must admit I sometimes have the organization and messyness of a teenage boy and that is not the kind of home we as adults should have. 

I plan to have a better attitude about life in general, try to be more positive and appreciate  the things I have.

I plan to get our finances in order we make a decent amount of money and really need to use it more wisely.

I plan to get my school situation in order, I let it fall to the wayside during all this wedding planning last year, I need to make a plan and get it done!

Week one a little late

Well I survived week one of Turbo Fire.  It is actually a lot of fun and I know I will love it more once I get all of the choreography down.  Ate a lot of very healthy food and I feel 110% more energetic, it really goes to show you are effected by what you eat.  I also lost two pounds, which is great.  I feel less jiggly and strong something I have not been able to say for far to long.  I work out in the A.M….I really enjoy getting up early and had not done it in two years.   I love the half hour of quite time before I leave to work out.  I missed it this week on my rest day..so I may try to get up next week not as early as when I work out but earlier.  I am half way through week two and still feeling like a made a good choice.  Can’t wait to send the results after a month.

A woman with a plan

On Tuesday of next week I will begin a new fitness endeavour.  I will begin Chalene Johnson’s Turbo Fire.  Turbo Fire is a fitness  program that incorporates HITT.  For the first week I will be doing the Inferno Plan. 

I have a friend K who will be doing this program with me.  I truly belive a person to workout with keep me accountable and help motivate me through this program.  We have set a work out schedule and have the food part all figured out.  We have even added some of our own goals for the program I call them the Turbo Pact, below are my personal goals.

Turbo Pact

• No fast food
• No fancy high calorie beverages
• No pop
• Allowing myself to have one cheat meal, if I have followed the program for the week.
• I have a goal to lose 1.5 pounds a week.
• I will not get discouraged and quit if I don’t make me pound goal each week, I will remember that my body takes time to adjust and that it will all even out.
• I will be more active even when I am not doing Turbo
• I will have fun
• I will remember the end goal when things get hard, to be a more fit and healthy person

I am really looking forward to this challenge and am excited for it to begin!

What I learned from planning a Wedding

I learned I can achieve any goal I put my mind to, something that I had not had reinforced in a long time.  I learned anything is possible with a little tweek..even when our wedding money got tight I found other ways to make things happen and learned it was okay to let other people help.  I learned there is always going to be someone negative in the crowd and chances are they are just a negative unhappy person and I should not take what they say to heart.  I learned I really am a good planner and I can get organized if I need to be.  I learned a vision really can be a reality it just takes hard work and attention to details.  I learned there are a lot of people out there who care deeply for me and would do anything for me, while I always knew it the wedding process really made this come alive for me.  I learned that everything does happen for a reason, I waited a very long to time to find the man of my dreams and my wedding day would not have been as special with out him being with me on the journey.  I learned it is okay to fight about little things as long as you work it out in the end and know that you love each other which is always more important than what ever you are fighting about.  I learned that planning a wedding is like a second job and every women who plans one should be complimented and applauded for all their work. I learned that sending RSVP and thank you notes in a timely matter is really important and not to be taken lightly.  I learned that no matter what flaws you see in yourself every day on your wedding day your inner beauty and happiness shows through!

And now we are married

12 days ago, I walked down an isle that changed my life.  I’m not going to lie I was filled with so much emotion I thought I might burst.  It was an amazing experience one I wish for everyone to have.   Looking at the man you love and knowing from this moment on you will be his wife that the rest of your life you will have a partner to live your life with a person to love you unconditionally forever, how amazing!  The reception was awesome as well, so great to see all those people who you know in one space, drinking, dancing,socializing and having all around good time!  The honeymoon was beautiful as well, though we will not be traveling any where tropical in August again, talk about hot!

Now we are back to normal life, of dinners at home, tv not in spanish and work. 

What’s next

As my to do list dwindles I begin to wonder what will now consume all of my time.  For the last year, I have planned, organized and created my wedding.  Shortly my plate will go back to being normal again.  What an odd feeling, it is hard to remember what I did before googling this that and the other wedding thing, making random wedding crafts.  While I am sad to see this time go, I am looking forward to what is next.  What thing will I focus on now.  A few have been running through my mind, my finances, seriously need to get a better bill pay organization/ debt depletion going on.  My fitness and nutrition need to find something new to do that I enjoy work out wise, and need to hone my diet to be more real with a few indulgences instead of the other way around.  I also would like to commit to something fitness related, I always think I want to be a runner, but that never seems to pan out, so I’m contemplating cycling or maybe yoga.  I also really need to get more focused on my school work, I need to devote more time to it and make that time count no more half way.  I need to get more organized in every area of my life.  I know where everything is and what I need to do but I really need to stream line some things to make my life easier.  Lastly I would like to find some sort of hobby, my hobby as of the last six months has been blog reading and while I love reading blogs I need something a bit more stimulating and creative, I have no clue what this one will be.